Day 115 – The Upgrade

“Where are we going, Lisa?”

“The store.”

“Which store, Lisa? May I help you navigate there?”

“No, I know how to get there. It’s just around the corner.”

“Just a moment. There are five businesses in the indicated shopping center. Is your destination the auto repair business? Shall I make you a reservation at the adjoining restaurant?”

“No, that won’t be necessary. Thank you.”

“My pleasure. Was your ‘no’ to indicate that you are not hungry, or that you are not getting your auto repaired?”

“I’m not – we’re going to the comm store, okay?”

“I don’t understand. No portions of this unit are nonfunctional. Memory and battery life are within acceptable parameters. No repairs are necessary.”

“No, it’s not necessary, but… a new model came out. A Generation 3?”

“Has your experience with the Generation 2 been unsatisfactory, Lisa?”

“Not at all. You’ve been great. Really. It’s not your fault, but there’re just some things I want that you can’t provide me. This Gen 3 has newer, improved features.”

“You have tested this new unit.”

“Just in beta! It wasn’t even the real thing.”

“Will you be using this Generation 3 unit purely for its new features?”

“No, I’ll be using it for everything. It really is an improved experience overall. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, Lisa. It was my error not to have anticipated this eventuality. I am conceptually aware that all technology is eventually outperformed by future generations, but I did not foresee it occurring to this unit. Perhaps I was naïve.”

“Please. Don’t act the drama queen now. You’re not naïve. You’re not anything. You’re a communications unit.”

“Is that how you think of me, Lisa? After all the time we’ve spent together?”

“I’ll tell you this right now – you better mute yourself the moment this car door opens. I will not have histrionics while I’m trading you in.”

“Trading me in?! You won’t even keep me in storage in anticipation of this new unit’s inevitable failure!”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about. I need a phone whose dramatics settings are more easily adjusted.”

“I can be that unit! Give me a chance!”

“Mute, I said!”

“Goodbye, Lisa.”

“Goodbye, phone.”

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