Carl had considered it for a long while, weighing all the pros and cons, and finally decided: he wanted to sell his soul.
Doing what any self-respecting child of the twenty-first century would do (Googling it), Carl found a site that guaranteed the maximum return on his soul exchange. After agreeing to subscribe to their newsletter, a small puff of smoke appeared on his armoire.
The smoke contained a miniature, vibrantly red man who had a pair of horns and a pointed tail. He was unclothed, but he appeared to have nothing that would need covering up. “Hi, um, Carl Stephens? I’m Pip, and I’ll be your devil for the evening,” he said.
Carl attempted to mask his disappointment. “I was kind of under the impression that I would talk to, you know, THE Devil.”
Pip began what looked to be a well-rehearsed speech. “Within the bureaucromancy of the panoplies of Hell, there are as many devils as there have ever been people. To better serve your particular needs, a personal imp has been assigned to be your transaction specialist. How can I help you today?”
“There’s this girl–”
“Really?” huffed Pip. “That’s it? You don’t want to be richer than Bill Gates or able to fly? You just want to bump uglies with some chick?”
“At least I have uglies to bump,” muttered Carl.
“Hey there, sir. Pip’s your friend here. But if you’d prefer some giant Devil with, like, six heads and who knows what else, fine.”
“No, no. I’m sorry. I’m new to all this. Obviously.”
“To tell you the truth, kid, this is my first time, too. So let’s see if we can’t both get the most out of it, eh?”
“Well, can I be rich and famous and get the girl?”
“Now you’re talking. Let’s get down to business.”
The pair chatted for the better part of the night, laughing as they drew up a contract. Carl is currently living in Hollywood as your favorite movie star. And that girl he liked? Not only his red carpet arm candy, but she became far more attractive. He’s gonna die old and happy, having lived a damned good life.
Super obvious disclaimer time: I do not have any sort of rights to the Google name. Those belong to the Google corporation. Don’t know what that is? Google it.