Wait, what?! We’re skipping ahead two years now?
Yep. The biggest detractor from actually posting these every day as I write them is the fact that nobody wants to republish a short story that’s appeared elsewhere. But I already published this story in audio form in the Jason & Deb broadcast/podcast on Feb. 10, 2017. So why not double down on it being out there?
For context, I wrote this in the week after Lady Gaga performed at the Super Bowl when prompted by this amazing video of totally sane sometime-coworker of mine Alex Jones.
Halfway through the second song, Lake leaned to her boyfriend to ask, “What did she just say?”
“I don’t even hear lyrics,” Obie shouted over thumping music and cheers from every other person in the stadium.
“I coulda sworn she just said she’s the Goddess of Satan,” Lake frowned.
The pop star abruptly stopped dancing around the stage erected atop the field, peering under her hand as if somehow her eyes could pierce the darkness and smartphone flashes. “We have a question?” she said, waving for the music to cease.
Realizing that she had somehow – impossibly – been heard, Lake raised her hand, rising amidst a crowd furious with the woman who had paused their entertainment. “I thought you just said you’re the Goddess of Satan?” Lake called. “I probably just misheard you.”
“No,” the pop star answered. “That’s right.”
“Doesn’t make any sense,” Obie said, distracted by his face suddenly appearing on the jumbotron as cameras rushed the two of them.
“Why?” the pop star demanded.
“Well, first of all, Satan comes from a monotheistic tradition, right?” Lake said into a microphone shoved into her hands. “Unless the Capital-G-God of the Abrahamic religions is part of some larger cosmology?”
“Even then,” Obie interrupted, “wouldn’t the God of Satan be his creator – Jehovah or Allah or what have you?”
The singer blinked sequined eyes. “Look, I’m just trying to use my global audience to work lesser magic to instigate Armageddon so my lord Satan can rule Earth. Why do you think I’m wearing all this meat?”
“What’s with all the drones and robots onstage, then?” Obie demanded.
“They’re how Satan monitors the public,” the pop star huffed. “Can I just sing? Why do you hate fun?”
Lake and Obie’s questions of “Isn’t Satan omnisicent?” and “How does meat help?” were shouted down by the crowd’s pleas of “Just let her play! We wanna see the show!” so the couple sat back down and were quiet for the remainder of the concert.
After that night and the apocalypse that followed, more than a few people wished they had spent more time asking questions while they could. Drones flying everywhere suddenly made it significantly more difficult.