“Dude, let’s get out of this plate, man. This spot is totally dead,” Raj said.

“Come on. We just got here. Let’s at least have a look around,” Timo replied.

“Nope. Nope. Totally dead, man,” Raj said again.

“You’ve said that at the last three dishes we’ve gone to.”

“And I’ll keep saying it till we find an awesome party platter, man.”

It was the eternal debate. Raj was a bacterium who was always on the move, looking for new places to go and new cells to meet, while Timo was the type who preferred staying in one spot and putting down roots. The friends had been at odds as long as they had known each other, but there was something about that friction that pulled them closer together.

Bailing on the dinner plate, they hitched over to a bowl Raj had heard good things about. It was supposed to have a ranch dressing pool and everything. Perfect place to scope out some fine cells to bond with. The pool was, in fact, a happening scene, but they had been beaten there by some aggressive molds, who were monopolizing the attention of Raj and Timo’s quarry.

“Bummer, man. See, we need to get more sophisticated, you know? These chicks always go for, like, the parameciums and such, man,” Raj lamented.

“I’m pretty sure it’s paramecia,” Timo replied.

“Dude, you’re never gonna penetrate some girl’s membrane if you act like you’re better than everybody else.”

“But you just said-” Timo began, but Raj was already heading out of the bowl.

Off they went, in no particular direction, just following the flow of the crowd. It seemed to converge ahead on a slight opening between two pans. With low expectations, the friends entered the club.

But somehow, it was brilliant. This was a party, and everyone had come. There were more cells ripe for bonding than the bacteria had ever seen. A great band was playing, drinks were flowing. Finally everything had gone right. Then a crowd of maggots burst into the club, sending everybody running.

“Those deadhead jocks. They ruined the perfect hangout!” Raj lamented.

He and Timo would just have to try again tomorrow night.